Monday, December 21, 2009

Grieving through the Holidays

My friend (and very talented artist), Amy, made this butterfly print from Sophia's last handprints. It reminds me that Sophia is still with us , even if not in the way we would like.

Grieving during the holidays is tough. Watching others around you enjoy and celebrate their families and happy lives seems to throw into relief the hole that's in my own life. I've tried ignoring the hole, hiding the hole, filling the hole with other people or things, but these attempts have only made the hole that much deeper. I think I'm beginning to understand that I just have to learn to live with this new hole. I'm learning to appreciate it as a reminder of how deep my love is for my daughter.

I've heard the quote "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Well, I did just that... and I lost my heart, but my heart also grew.

It grew from knowing the love of a daughter.

It grew through becoming a Mom.

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